Stop Coddling the Rich, Start Cuddling Them: One Girl’s Quest for the Perfect Rich HusbandPosted: 08/17/2011
Unless you’re living under a blissfully unaware rock, you’ve probably read, or at least heard of, Warren Buffett’s editorial against tax breaks for the super-rich. Stop coddling them, he argues. They’re good people. They’d willingly give their wealth to the needy–if only we asked them to! (Did you hear that sound? It’s Ayn Rand’s condescending sigh from the grave.) Now, I don’t claim to know anything about finance, save for how to spend too much money on pointless trinkets and rack up tidal waves of student debt, but Buffett essentially blaming politics for a part of his wealth is like an extremely overweight person blaming Golden Corral for their obesity. I don’t know. I’m going to avoid technicalities here.
Good old Warren, however, gave me an excellent plan. You see, I was a liberal arts major. An art history major, to be specific. In case you’re an optimist or just an idiot, let me put it to you bluntly: major in art history, struggle financially. I’ll illustrate the situation for you. Most of my fellow art nerds and I tolerated unpaid internship after unpaid internship before acquiring even the most basic, art-related job. Those that found the job market unforgiving entered graduate school for several more years of cerebral flogging. On the greener side of the grass, I have a physics-major friend who is currently getting paid $60,000 for a 6-month internship at a major tech company–an internship where he presumably does nothing but play around with robots and occasionally order people around.
So you see the predicament here. I chose what I liked over what was profitable in college, and now I’m faced with a life filled with Franzia and ramen.
So back to Mr. Buffett–his editoral inspired me. The rich should not be coddled. In fact, they should be cuddled…specifically by me. That’s right. Cuddled. Judging from Warren Buffett’s allegations, the so-called “super rich” don’t even want this money. Nay, they frown in its general direction. I plan to take advantage of this. I, for one, would enjoy having a few extra zeroes in my bank account. With this in mind, I have decided to undertake an onerous task–to assist the super-rich in being, well, not so super-rich anymore. I shall begin the quest to find the perfect wealthy husband.
Take that, silly idea of “following your dreams”!