Predicting the inevitable dystopian future of mankind ain’t nothing new! Fritz Lang’s Metropolis, which rallies pretty hard for #99PercentProblems, was released 86 years ago.
Fart jokes have been around for at least 600 years. File under: Chaucer, ye olde sports, things I didn’t actually read in high school.
Nope, that’s not a Kardashian! The “Venus of Willendorf“ is estimated to have been carved 26,000 years ago. “My Humps” wasn’t even out yet!
The sun is roughly 4.67 billion years old. It probably won’t completely destroy the entire solar system as we know it for another 5 billion years or so. And trailing right behind it…
The giant rock that we hang out on is an estimated 4.54 billion years old, but it doesn’t look a day over 3.54 billion.
Yolo’s not just for the daggum kids. The community of #Yolo, CA was established in 1849.
There are absolutely no survivors left from the REAL Titanic’s sinking in 1912. That doesn’t mean you, Billy Zane, actor desaparecido.
The word “swag” was commonly used in the early 1800s to describe stolen goods, or “booty,” if you will. A “swagman” referred underclass transient workers! Watch out, Bieber!
The first mobile phone – made in 1983 – looked like this. Now why don’t you show your non-Siri iPhone 4 a little love?
Lindsay Lohan is 26 and looks like this.
I forgot that I have a blog and no life, so I crafted some top-notch Valentines for the
forever alone rest best of us. There’s even Comic Sans! I <3 you THAT much.
Because it’s Friday and I love you, I’m gifting you with Wal-mart Bingo. Make every trip into redneck paradise a fun-filled adventure!* And yes, I realize all the cards will be the same, so everyone will win at the same time. Whatever. Learn Photoshop and switch things around. I’m not your slave.
*Actual fun may vary.
Sometimes I get bored and make the most pointless things on the planet. Today, while procrastinating, I decided to Photoshop Reptar into pieces of art. Why not?
Let me start by saying that the entire NCAA journey has been quite an experience. I’ve never seen a school go from vaguely apathetic hipsterdom to positively drunk with school spirit (and PBR) in such a short amount of time. My entire Facebook and Twitter feeds have been clogged with Ram support for almost two weeks now, mainly from Mr. Jeff Green:
Not all of the Internet has smiled upon the Rams: this article marks the first time I’ve ever disagreed with The Onion about anything. Ever. However, the good outweighs the bad by far. For example, what do you get when you mix VCU’s basketball team with tasty food and epic situations? Ramblood. Ramblood may actually surpass Paula Deen Riding Things on my list of favorite meme blogs ever. An example: Joey Rodriguez and Obama fist pumping in a lightning storm. Why not?
Unfortunately, VCU’s streak of epic winning came to a screeching halt last night. After making it to the Final Four and sufficiently screwing up everybody’s game brackets, VCU lost to Butler University, the nation’s top academy for manservant training–a completely unfair game, since Butler somehow snuck Mark Zuckerberg onto their team under the pseudonym “Matt Howard.” Because of this loss, Richmond was (literally) in flames. This Facebook post sufficiently sums up the situation in Richmond last night:
You read correctly–tear gas. My friends and I were fortunate enough to be caught in the thick of it. It appears that springtime riots are becoming a tradition in my life. After all, nearly a year ago, I was caught in the maelstrom of the JMU Springfest Rage Riots.
Of course, there’s about 500 videos on Youtube proving that Richmond took the loss more riot-ly than quietly:
The riot, tear gas and all, was actually my favorite part of the entire tournament. Nothing brings a city together like a collective sense of disappointment, outrage, and love for the name Shaka. New bonds were formed as we stormed the streets, screaming obscenities regarding Butler and their mothers to anyone who would listen. And of course there were riot cops. Really rude ones, by the way. One special man was holding his riot shield upside down, reducing how seriously anyone took him by at least 57%. We tried very politely to inform him of this error and he was completely unresponsive, much like a Buckingham Palace guard (but with a less baller uniform). Here’s my friend Marianne posing with the illiterate fool:
Some say that the adventure is over, but I disagree. I think this is just the beginning of great things for VCU. With a coach named Shaka Smart, how can we go wrong?
Also…our football team is still undefeated.
Close me out, Joey Rodriguez: